Frequently Asked Questions
What are Somatics?
relating to the body, especially as distinct from the mind
My goal is getting you out of your head and back into your body. Reconnecting your heart to your head through your body. Your body records and holds your trauma (even though you may have forgotten it.) 'Scanning' your body, uncovers emotions tied to specific locations within the body. We will use kink to release your stored up emotions in your body and begin the healing process.
Gimme an example:
1. We will have a conversation about you and your feelings.
2. We will negotiate a potential scene and discuss the intent (getting to those feelings).
3. Then we will make you aware of how that feeling translates to a mindset and where it resides in your body.
4. We will then begin the kink scene to focus your attention on your body.
- We'll ask questions like "What are you thinking about during the scene and what are your feelings with it? Sit with it, reflect on it. discuss it further.
- Sometimes, if the person warrants it, I would recommend starting a exploratory (pre-negotiated) scene then asking what are their thinking about.
5. We will then sit down and discuss those feelings after the scene in the Aftercare phase.
What is the interview process like?
1. We will email back and forth a bit to understand what you are looking for and you can ask detailed questions about anything we discussed. I'm very transparent and do not like to give surprises.
2. If we BOTH agree to met then we will find a public location (coffee house?) for an initial consultation to feel if we can work together.
3. If after the first consultation, we BOTH agree to work together, I will generate a Course of Action (CoA) within 24hrs and you will decide if the CoA is acceptable. You can also pick and choose which actions you want to perform (like a buffet).
4 If you agree then we will look at schedules and pick a start date. If you have questions we will resolve them together. Then start the sessions
Saying is simply:
1. Email (Tell me your needs)
2. Initial Consultation (Let me met the human and see if I can guide them)
3. First Session (Setting up a scene to meet their needs)
A. Negotiations (discuss the CoA, Any last minute from the client, discuss safety)
B. Scene execution (sticking within the parameters of the CoA, checking in with client often)
C. Aftercare (the scene is over, now its time to talk about what worked and what didn't, what feelings came up, the client is covered in blankets, given water, and chocolates of their choice.)
I'm new to this, how do I know if I'll like it?
Well lets chat about what you want and see if an introduction to the BDSM scene is needed.
This is about YOUR needs, not mine. We'll discuss what your looking for, how I can guide you. If you don't know what you want, we can arrange a kink tasting to your level of ease and we will discover what works for you together.
Im a New Dom, can you help train me?
Yes. I am endlessly passionate about training others. I feel good knowing that I'm teaching people to be safe and to follow their passion.
Can you train my submissive? They are misbehaving
Yes. Your relationship with your partner is special and intimate. Sometimes that familiarity can breed contempt. I can meet with you and your sub together and discuss exactly what you want. I will give guidance were needed
I'm hosting a kink party, will you come and work?
Probably. Email me the details. I have worked with people at public bars and private parties, dialing into exactly what they needed. Like a dial-a-Dom. I'm not willing to be a spectacle for your amusement though. I'm also not interested in attending a 'booze-fest'. No heavy drinking please.
What if my intensity isn't as high as yours?
Everyone has their own intensity range. I've learned over the years, that it's best to establish what YOUR range is. Mine will adjust to the person I'm working with.
Weather you want a light touch or a heavy cathartic inducing touch, that can be arranged.
My intensity level is sky-high so don't try to match me.
Frequently Asked Questions
What primary services do you offer?
Trauma-informed somatic alternative-lifestyle coaching. That's a lot of words that mean: I specialize in folks that have trauma around kinky sex or shame. I am NOT a sex worker, I am not going to have sex with you.
I can also help you negotiate your needs with your partner in a safe and non-judgmental way. I help other Dominates reconnect with their submissives without taking over or helping someone that wants to be kinky but their afraid their partner will judge them.
I offer BDSM tastings to those that want to experience it safely.
I advise scene lay-out and ways to elevate your experience using all five senses. (read my Blog section for inspiration)
I get to the center of the issues at hand and help you detangle them. Whether it be with sex or a regular life skill (I've taken a client clothes shopping to teach them what looks good on them with their skin tone and establish their personal style.) Teaching them how to shop.
In the Kink world (different from the Somatic world) I offer the following services: Belt bondage, predicament bondage with rope, Humiliation, Rough Body play, Degradation, Impact play, Orgasm denial/control, Whipping, Flogging, Crossdressing/Sissy play, Breath play, Role play, Foot Fetishes, Water Boarding, Daddy/ABDL, Forced Bi, Sensation play, other requests that are reasonable are not refused. No blood, scat or piss play, no cannibalism, no sex (did I mention that already?)
What do you specialize in?
Sexual freedom from shame and self acceptance. Loving yourself and self-advocation using somatic techniques. Training people on tools and safe practices. Coming to terms with your likes and dislikes.
Do you handle out of state/country clients ?
Yes. Lets email about the details.
Do you offer sex?
No that is for you and your partner(s). I can teach you, but you and your partner will do the work! Have I mentioned that already?
What if I don't have trauma to resolve?
We could still somatically work together to expose any shame or exploration you want to experience. The work I do is trauma-informed which means I will tread lightly until I know what things mean for you.
Or
We could pursue just the kink aspect (but both are related.)
What if I grow more than my partner(s) can accommodate?
Congratulations! You have a good problem and uncovered people holding you back from being true to yourself. You can bring them along on your journey unless their presence is uncomfortable.
People grow and change. Embrace it. There's a big world out there just waiting to be explored.
Do you have any books to recommend?
Yes! In no particular order:
The Body keeps the Score
Man's search for meaning
The four Agreements
Different Loving
More than Two
Healing collective trauma
Do you have any article recommendations on Somatics?
Absolutely.
Why You Can't Think Your Way Out Of Trauma